Wednesday, June 14, 2023

Random Entry:

I can call it my luck or I can call it my karma that I had the blissful opportunity to assist His Eminence(H.E.) Rinpochey for two days in one of the Indian cities. It’s not that He needed any assistance, so I should rather say: I just got lucky to be assisted by Him. To my surprise, I have been contemplating on causality for almost a fortnight and I was utterly confused with the way causality, law of karma and freewill works. Had it not been for my research work, I would have concluded in the most simple terms that law of karma is a purely existing phenomena and that causality is not nothing, after being with His Eminence. So what if Arya Nagarjuna is asserting that cause, causal field and effect are existentially and notionally dependent on each other, we are nonetheless always subjected to these laws and we can not completely deny them, therefore, the apparent fruits of happiness or suffering of any sort that we reap are also subsumed under these laws. A 12+ year old boy otherwise, Rinpochey surprised me with His charismatic vibe. I used to be under His blessings since his previous incarnation: My name was assigned by His Eminence’s previous incarnation, H.E. always used to extend advices: I do not remember the advices except one thing that always strikes my emotional-brain when I think about his previous incarnation was when he performed a mask dance (of course without any mask-literally and figuratively) to entertain me as a kid while he was stepping down from the stairs of the loo and of course I starkly remember the last blessing of His Eminence’s previous incarnation where I and my friend was shaken with his radiance that we had to go to a meadow nearby to dissolve the blessings, and this in no way is an exaggeration. I regret losing the srunga(a protective thread- but this one was special with printed mantras) that Rinpoche gave me citing that it was the last of the sort but to my dismay, only later did I realise that he was planning to leave this Bardo and move on to the next, people usually call it Parinirvana but I am little sceptical to use it for a Bodhisattva for they will be around us forever until time exists, if the concept of time is understood the way we generally understand: as an arrow of time. The point I am here to make is simply to record my understanding of these miracles. During our casual conversation in the evening in the hotel, he brought up the unfortunate incident that Ladakh went through in 2010 (5th August, 2010) when it was devastated by vicious cloudbursts and flash-floods, taking lives of hundreds of people and destroying everything on its way, telling the people of Ladakh about impermanence, though a wrathful but still a strong message, alas! people have already forgotten everything. I am but a believer in collective karma, that Ladakh as a whole society trivialised the importance of the environment and became more and more greedy. I was surprised to hear Rinpochey talk about his previous life (I can’t say jokingly or not) and expressed that the devastating flash-flood occurred right in between the time when Rinpochey entered the afterlife bardo and His next rebirth. He said that the deities, gods and demigods became furious with His so called death and then their wrath manifested in the form of cloudbursts and flash-foods in Ladakh, which of course doesn’t make sense logically, so I am assuming that He was simply making a funny comment. To this, I responded, under the guise of my limited brain, that dying is a part of being alive but now as I am contemplating, I realise how limited my vision is that I responded to a Rinpochey about such an obvious thing and may be-may be He was talking under the impressions of visions and karmic imprints of his previous birth but still it doesn’t make sense, so it was of-course a joke as He started laughing after His comment. If I overthink this, I would conclude that may be He was upset(which he undoubtedly was) for He couldn’t stop the calamity. I think this is again illogical as it defies the law of Karma: How can Rinpochey wash away the fruits of unwholesome deeds of the victims? So, logic says He might simply be sad to learn about the sufferings of the victims and the butterfly effect it created in the lives of many. I do not understand these things(karma, causality etc.) especially when I try to think logically because I am realising that logic, language or symbols are mere illusory staircase(s) to be abandoned later. The truth or the reality is beyond logic, words and common sense. Long story short, H.E. was not happy about the cloudbursts and flash-floods. 

My notes might sound like Rinpochey is not a kid at all. It is not like the childishness within Rinpochey does not manifest, it does at times, when he plays with us like a kid, which is nothing surprising but the fact that steals away my heart is his maturity, talks and actions which are way beyond his age. True that Rinpochey has grown amongst the grown-ups, disciplined by elders and taught hardcore Buddhist texts, yet there is something that can’t be explained or it might merely be my prejudiced perspective. I personally feel that Rinpchey(s) should be strictly disciplined and taught the best to keep the sacred institution intact.

Rinpoche was jokingly asking me to get married or else I would end up being alone and I replied jokingly, that when the world is anyway coming to an end what is the point in getting married if it was not meant to help a sentient being of a certain lower-realm to get a precious human life. I just made up the latter half of my reply and did not speak it in real. Rinpochey commented that after 40 years of age I won’t find a match. Rinpoche again jokingly asked me to buy(when in the mall) a wallet for the girl, to which I replied for my future wife? He said yes hopefully for someone in future, and I responded “okay I will buy one as per Rinpoche’s suggestions and keep it safe until I meet her”. A decade old boy talking maturely about the unwritten rules of society, let’s just call it coincidence because I don’t want to mystify His Eminence, because at the conventional level, I guess even Arya Nagarjuna endorses the way the world works just the way we think it does and within the domain of dependent-origination. 


[These stories, I believe will make sense at one point of time in my life, so I am just rejoicing and recording it up for my future reference.]


The merits, thus and if, accumulated shall be supplemented in eliminating the hardships and impediments encountered in establishing Him as the true definition of a Rinpochey! 


Saturday, September 3, 2022

Dream


Withinnn the dream of a partial beauty,

I dreamt of dreaming the perfect bliss, 

I woke up from my first dream to realise it was just a dream, 

I was restless to have lost the perfect bliss and fallen back in the dream realm of partial-beauty, 

And as I woke up even from my partial-beauty dream, I was confused as evermore, to be back in the dead-reality. 


Bewildered soul of mine wandered towards the rugged mountains the very next dawn,

I made sure my conscious physical senses walked along with me in this expedition. 


I wished to examine the interplay of dream, joy and senses: An experiment. 


In my dreams, if my sub-conscious can levitate me into joyous planes apparently along with my physical being, then Is it not possible to excite my physical senses to teleport me into last night’s perfect-beauty realm? 



the shimmering lights of the dawn, 
slyly entering the retina chiseling my soul.


the chirps of the songbirds 

gently knocking the drums of my ears,

gliding me up the mighty ground, making me float in joyous wonder. 


the brazen yet gentle breeze blowing through my hair and caressing my barren skin, giving me misty goosebumps in my mesmerised mind.




…as the beauty of the morning sun-rays started piercing my heart, my baffled brain got dazed and numbed. 


I started flying through the thick silver clouds mounted on the tamed wide wings of the ferocious falcon, 


amused by the drizzling drops of dews on my drenched soul, surfing the iridescent rays of the 

sun, 


springing from one rainbow to the next, entering and passing azure skies, lonely lands, solitary lakes…….joy(s) unbound……….


is my search over? Can I linger in these lands of wonder like forever ? Confused again: Is it the pain in pleasure that is sabotaging my existence or is it the pleasure in pain that is creating this blissful havoc. For whatever it is, my heart started dancing to the resonance of my being and the lullaby of Mother Nature. 


…………..And as I wander off in my imaginations, I just live in the moment with every word I pen. 


Be it my dream, be it my imagination or be it the reality, I believe there is joy everywhere, all you gotta do is nurture it out and resonate ! 


The experiment thus resulted in creating happYness through your conscious senses and merely through your Being:  living in this so-called real (or unreal) life….. 






Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Agonies......

 

But why can’t you feel my agonies 

When My heart cries in pain 

When my soul sobs with tears

all the times we spent, all in vain 

  Tears from my heart, 

                         rolling down through my soul 

                               into the oceans of my solitude.

            Cries from my soul 

                            Echoing through my empty heart 

               are the sounds of my miseries


But if you love me 

How can you put me in the grave alive. 

I wish Mother Earth pampered me

But my tears moisten the dust

and I am slowly sinking in those dusty agonies  

I consume an endless pain, 

strange though but it is this pain which is keeping me alive.......


                 Once you give me a crying smile

        the teary smile of yours

                                       I will be lifted from my mournful aches .....

                Your crying smile is my cure... 

                              your teary smile heals your own tears.... 

                             It always takes away my anger, my pain.....

    You cry and you smile and I just dwindle............



In your arms I want to cuddle myself..

In your lap I want to cry and laugh....

In your teases I want to shout out my pains.....

In your masculinity, I want to engulf my own feminine being.... 

in your feminine aura, I want to levitate my masculine soul.... 

how can ying thrive in the absence of yang... 


                                                You cry and you smile and I just dwindle.........


Wednesday, February 10, 2021

longing for summer in the world of winter

night so cold and young

yet the night so calm and long  

far away is the dawn and sunshine

it's summer that I long

winter is the season 

december are my emotions

but then august is all that I yearn

summers are ephemeral

seasons and emotions as well

winters are forever 

seasons and emotions as well

there is february in winter though 

so is there joy in pain

yet summers only are glorified 

it is painless joy that we lust for

in the hope of summers we belittle the spring 

for some, even the falls are alluring

uncanny it is that when the summer comes, we miss the snow......

yet it is summer that I long for..............

it is though winter that adorns the summer

but emotions full of summer is all I crave for 

it is but the autumn that falls so that summer shall revive

and yet why is it that, it is summer that I long for......



Saturday, October 29, 2016

banished soul.......

the free soul
singing to the melodies of the cosmos...
bound by the infinity of the sky..
slyly eluding all the adversities...
embracing all the euphorias.....

the free soul
is now captivated by the mores
dancing to the cliche'd emotions
bound by the ephemeral joys
slowly sinking into the sea of sadness

dear "soul"
moor your ship to the shores of the ocean 'joy'
banish but not the soul hey!
radiate happiness, come what may..
wherever you go, joys and joys you lay
limit your soul not even to the sky
fly, fly and  fly high ................................

banish not the soul , captivate the joys
live!! fly !! go!! and i will follow................

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Am I there?

Who art thou? 

This question makes me wonder my own existence... Do I really exist? If I do exist, where exactly is the locus of my being? 
What if my reality is just an outcome of someone else's imagination, may be, of a higher being.... Or what if I do not exist at all and everything I am experiencing is merely a thought process? Or what if everything is just a form of energy? .. 

Well despite all such thoughts, I do not stop using the word" I ", may be that "I" can be the locus of my existence or may be not... 

No matter whether I exist  for real or not, there are things in my so called life that i cherish and things that i have a strong aversion for.
 Life goes on, it hardly matters what reality really is... 

Am i there? 
Or Am i not? 

Memories, are you for real? 
Hopes, can you light me up? 
Love, are you brave enough? 
Life, are you worth it? 

Memories are energetic enough to bring something into action so is the case with hopes. Memories, we create and we cherish lifelong..... 
Hope keeps us going no matter how hard life is... 
Love is all that we yearn for, love from everyone. Love is a form of energy that gives us wings to fly into the extremes of wonderland... 

..................No matter how hard things are, do not give up your hopes for whatever you endeavour, it will be answered..... There are some things that keep us going.... Hope, love, life, and above all the curiosity to find an answer........ Keep burning ya all''''
.....So Long..... 

Sunday, April 3, 2016

falling yet flying

beautiful everything!
yet my non-resonating soul (sigh!)

everywhere
blooming flowers and blossoming smiles
bright sunbeams and glowing faces

but 
my agonized existence and my blazed faith 
my gloomy life and my banished soul 
i cry and i bleed

yet 
i live with hopes held high!

someday 
the revered sunbeams
will invade and subdue the darkness...
the ever blossoming smiles of the flowers
will bring smiles to my malnourished soul

and
As my soul falls through the gorges of my pain
i will fly through the valleys of  my joys.
.......


Monday, January 18, 2016

love at first sight

this "being" took my heart away.
i would like to call it "Jasmine"

Jasmine
On a busy road Jasmine found me. The question still goes in my mind - Why me?
In a place like Delhi, people(strangers) don't usually communicate, they don't have time for strangers which is in itself justifiable but still....
Out in the hassles of this city Jasmine found me. She just started following me, I took it casually as anyone would do the same. I stopped at a stall, asked for a juice for myself, Jasmine was staring at me persistently, then I figured out that she must be starving and expecting someone to feed her. The store keeper fed her biscuits. She reacted as if she didn't like the biscuits. I thought "ok, may be you are not hungry. "
I had to go to the other side of the road, so i started crossing the road which was in itself a big task, i realized halfway, Jasmine was following me! Startled I was! As crossing the road was not an easy task even for a human let alone Jasmine. A car driver was kind enough to slow down for Jasmine to pass, then I helped her to cross the other half.
I was walking down the road looking for an auto Rickshaw or a bus towards my destination. Jasmine was following me like a child follows her mother. I wondered what if Jasmine was starving but she didn't like the biscuits. So I looked for a stall again and fortunate I was to find one! I asked the owner of the stall- what would she eat? He responded as if i was not serious as anyone would be suspicious about what i just asked, no one cares what a stray dog would like to eat. He said biscuits, i said no!
He suggested may be omelette, I said "ok" , there was no harm in trying that.
To my surprise, she started eating that, then I figured out that -Yes! she was starving.
Just as she started eating. I saw that the bus i was supposed to board was rushing towards the bus stop which was 10-15 steps away. I thought now that she found something to eat, she wouldn't follow me and even i wouldn't have that bad feeling of leaving her hungry so I ran for the bus.
I boarded the bus and took the seat. This is the point where I got my goosebumps and a very strange feeling which I had never had for a being other than human. Jasmine was at the bus stop, she followed me, I didn't realize, she left the omelette  incomplete. The bus had already started. I just felt something very different(indeed with a guilt feeling). Jasmine wasn't starving, Jasmine was looking for a company in this busy city, where no one has the time. I feel bad as Jasmine again proved that money can't buy happiness. You need to spend time with your loved ones, you need to find time for those who care about you. You don't need money to be happy! Happiness is being together!
I feel bad for I couldn't give much to her but hope keeps us alive, where, to meet and part is a way of life and to part and meet is the hope of life!

Friday, September 18, 2015

among the valleys of my imaginations

among the valleys of my imaginations
there are soothing aromas of wild floras
unfurling the memories attached

among the valleys of my imaginations
there blows the gentle breeze
riding that swift wind-horse
i gently get vanished into the horizon

among the valleys of my imaginations
there are places where i sit by a brook
i listen to the melodious melodies it makes
the hurdles of mighty rocks brings forth the melody
the rocks that impede the flow makes the music.
           Things that hinder me in my life makes my life melodious.

among the valleys of my imaginations
i sit by you and every time a new mystery land unfolds,
new memories are moulded, new heights scaled.
among the valleys of my imaginations
your valley is where i believe i belong.

with you by my side,
valleys of my imaginations will grow into valleys of  my life.

Friday, August 28, 2015

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

...........
..........
.........
.....................
..................................
.....................................
......................................
.................................................................
......................................................................
  ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) )



Tuesday, July 7, 2015

 
why i feel so lost all the time
even though there are so many places where i belong
why there is not a specific purpose of being
although there are so many means to be just alive
why people don't help each other 
when they know they themselves need help all the time
why is there so much money all around
when food is all we can ingest 
why is there so much of whyss in my life..  

.....

but anyways it feels good to be lost 
i can't fathom where  would i be
i can't imagine how would be i be
Iffff I were A DEFINED CREATURE
i love myself to be a RANDOM undefined BEING
(well i think i just defined myself... )

Sunday, June 7, 2015

abode of our memories

smile and that smile
will echo through the mountains of pain
and unleash the joys of beasts
smile, cuz that smile can
liberate the burden of thousand Sisyphus(es).
Smile for that smile smiles through the sorrows,
sorrows of joys, sorrows of sorrows. 

as your smile swifts softly through
the gushes of my violent streams of emotions
they become gentle waves caressing my whole existence.
for only then, i bask in the sunshine of my own-self.

the beauty, of everything when seen standing on
the shoulders of your smiles, becomes
million times more beautiful.

engulfed in the trenches of your smile
i can breathe more, that is the irony of my life.

Monday, May 25, 2015

beautiful

beautiful were the times
when all we worried about was 
how to sneak out of the house
without being caught by our parents
playing for long hours 
those were real good times
playing with friends 
friends who had no expectations 
friends with whom we used to fight 
but the very next moment 
we become more than friends - brothers.
No comparisons about the faces
that had to be made just to 
overcome the furious state of the elders
after we did something unworthy 
but then no vengeance, no retaliation

real good times were those
the streams, the lonely roads, the trees,
mountains or anything natural
(all that we NOW find click-worthy or pic-worthy)
used to be FUN-worthy
where we used to play until our body ached
where we used to laugh until our lungs came out
but then none of the acts were fed to our ego. 


UNLIKE now

when everyone is lost into 
the business of feeding their EGO

why can't we just STOP and start LIVING 
why can't we just UN-grow and become a KID again.

I don't want to grow, if growing is growing my ego.
Alas!
as always it's easier said than done. :( 

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Prayers for Nepal :(

My prayers are with the people of Nepal!
Let there be strength among the folks of Nepal to rise from one of the greatest catastrophe that the world has ever experienced.

law of Karma: so i was wondering if only sentient beings are bound by the laws of karma?  can it be possible that mother earth has a soul in it too? likewise if there are multiverse, or parallel universe, can it be possible that even our universe has got a soul as well? 
Mother earth is so generous, all she does is give, provide, and give! the crux of the matter is what do we give her in return? rather we snatch everything from her and if we continue hurting her, it is obvious that she will get sick!
Although scientists have a say that these are science, these are meant to happen, plate tectonics, continental drifts, I am sure they are correct. But i have a belief that if the collective karma of whole humanity is positive, then what we receive back from mother earth might surprise us. May be what i imply by collective karma is sustainable development! helping people without any expectations, be generous like our mother earth! above all-not to hurt our mother earth so much that she cries in pain.

If our mother earth has a soul in it and if you can listen to my prayers then please forgive us, the humans, for they are immature that they hate each other, for they are naive that they kill each other and other animals, for they are ignorant that they treat you badly, they are at time helpless! I am one among them!
And for us, the humans i have a suggestion! let us be GOOD, Real Good!!!

Friday, April 17, 2015

happiness awaits you, the paradox

my 'happiness' is fleeing away
but happiness awaits me
i wonder how! 

when surrounded by the fragrance of your presence
blessed is how i feel.
when i see your smile everytime i touch the eyelids
a smile-back is what i respond with 
but when the eyelids part
misty-eyes is what i find.
i try to cover up the mist 
with the smiles you bestowed upon me
but then my heart becomes misty 
the heart starts pumping tears.
.........................................................................................
........................................................................................
well if happiness awaits me
i shall wait for my 'happiness' as long as it takes. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

let it blossom


you are like the gentle breeze 
that Seduces the leaves 
caressing my imperfections
soothing the agOnies 
carrying me to the abodes of angels 
I would like to stay there forever

your smiles are eNgraved in my memories 
your memories are chiseled in my heart
for the heArt yearns to keep the wounds afresh 
Strange it is to know 
that fallen you are into the abyss of love 
that wounded you are though
you fondly nurture the pain
hoping that the wounds would blossoM
 
let it blossom 
let its magnificent fragrance pervade all the impediments.
let it blossom. 

Saturday, April 11, 2015

seize

happiness is all around

look to your left, -happiness 
look within, -happiness
look with your eyes closed, -happiness
look even without looking, -happiness

i paint the canvas of my life with sorrow 
the canvas was pure, unadulterated
why did i draw only 'sorrow' ?
when drawing 'happiness' was also an option ?
perhaps because out of mud blooms lotus 

at times i feel
----empty endurance leading me to the land of nowhere
but then who cares? when the pain i endure is a pleasure in disguise 

happiness is ephemeral, sorrow is forever 
happiness is subdued by the thirst for more happiness
while sorrow endures and pervades our life 

hey everyone of you!
seize the happiness, freeze the time 
live happily forever, 
so much happily that even 'forever' be just a blink of an eye.
seize infinite happiness,
live infinitely happy,
in the infinite space of joy ,
until the infinity of time. 

Amen! 

Tolstoy said--- "happiness is an allegory, unhappiness is a story"

Thursday, March 19, 2015

share a smile, the world needs one, needs two, needs many

. .
. .
problems
.
.
well . . . . .
well . . . . .
.
you and i have problems to deal with?
seriously?
there are sentient beings worrying about what to eat,
there are people struggling for a refuge ,
humans battling to guard themselves from the war of cold
alas! the list goes on 

you and i have a problem to be taken care of? 
seriously?
problems like how to shed the fats off?
worries like where to wander off for this weekend? 
are you tensed about what to cover your flesh with, for the party? 

you and i can do wonders
and i know you are willing 
an  act of aid be it as trivial as insignificant, can do wonders
when you have nothing to offer 
offer them a penny of smile, 
when you have nothing to feed them with
feed them a teaspoonful of hope mixed with sweets of faith

if you can't help them 
at least help yourself 
your problems are not problems in real sense
your worries are only a matter of perspective 
if you can't help them
at least help yourself to cheer yourself up
and today if you smile 
i have done my part 
now it is your turn to bring a curve on someone else's 
everything in this universe is bridged 
today if you smile 
tomorrow someone else will 
someday everyone will....... 
and may be one day even i might.....

...  the world is forgetting how to smile in the pursuit of comfort, joy, and stability which they hardly acquire because people are forgetting what they are looking for is already there, you just have to unveil it with a smile.... so smile and say "curves".... 

Monday, March 16, 2015

no otherwise, it's good this way....

...
...
...well
...well
...
resonating with the beauty 
everywhere i wander, i fly
for now as i fly, i need not flap my wings  
for now being here is beautiful
for now being there is alluring
even the absence is full of presence 

a big boon of being bestowed with love
i can't imagine myself otherwise.....
for whatever happens in the days to come
i can't afford to think otherwise 
for all that mattered was you 
for all that matters is you 
for all that will matter is you...
     thankyou.. :)

no otherwise, it's good this way.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

i wish


.......
......well
......well
.......

i was alone
you were accompanied
i was not at home
you were surrounded by best people.
i was helpless
you didn't care at all
or may be you did
but that wasn't enough
i stood for you in the worst of my times
i backed you in all the bittersweet phases of your life
you abandoned me when
i needed you in subtlest of ways
you surrendered when
it was your time to express...
i am happy for your success 
but i am sad for myself...
for all these years 
the dreams i built 
shattered into pieces 

i wish 
  i don't lose the faith in humanity 
  i don't lose faith in myself 
  i start living like nothing matters 
  i start acting like it never was true 
  i wish i never think of you all the time
  i wish i could just hibernate for days, for years..
i just wish and why all the wishes are limited to wishes 
i wish a miracle happens 
i wish that i do not  wish anything at all........